Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Art of Patience

I'm a relatively patient person...for the most part...but I have to say...there are just some things I absolutely can NOT hold my tongue from lashing out and showing my frustration. Or at least...I don't want to hold it. It's definitely a test of endurance. There are just some scenarios that warrant a whip lashing to those who are so frickin' oblivious it's absolutely ridiculous...

Seriously...I was in the bank today and this elderly woman...and these days I can't really say elderly with such emphasis since I'm almost at that age as it is...but she came into the bank...put a piece of gum in her mouth (on her obnoxiously painted red lips)...and smacked it so hard I thought her lips would peel off from her skin. There is no way that her hearing could stand the volume that resounded in her head. I actually had to look around to see what the noise was that was echoing thru the bank. I looked around and saw all the bank employees snickering with disbelief that this woman could actually function with that noise going thru her head. Are you f**king kidding me? How could she not realize that her lip smacking was the biggest attraction in BofA! Or in the 93012 area code at that moment! I believe that any dog alive…was covering their ears because of the decibel of that lip smacking! How her dentures didn’t fall out of her mouth to the floor was beyond me. I want to know the name of her dentist for future dental procedures.

Ok…on to more obnoxious things that bug me to death…men whistling in the super market. What makes food shopping a forum for practicing whistlers. Shut the f**k up! I do NOT want to hear that whistling while I’m shopping…I don’t even know what to name it…it’s just down right annoying…so stop it!

Along the same lines…stop playing with the change in your pockets! Don’t you know that you can now go to a machine and turn that change in to cash! GO DO IT! I don’t want to hear it in your pockets anymore!!! SHOW ME THE CASH!

Do you know that popcorn does not have to have the lip smacking sound that they portray in the movies. You can actually take a bite without others hearing it. Try it some time…it really does work! And keeping your mouth closed while you’re chewing…a bonus…extra points for that one. Taking one kernel at a time…makes for much quieter, subdued moments where you can actually HEAR what’s going on in the movie…and focus.

And now to the freeways…should I even start? Who gives out licenses these days?  I believe I’ve touched on this subject before…so for now…I’m going to leave you with this…

If we have a relationship of any manner…and you think you may have any of these characteristics portrayed above…please do me a favor…if you can’t stop the behaviors prior to seeing me...Warn me…give me the opportunity to flee! Because I can tell you right now…no matter how gorgeous you may be, no matter how intelligent you may be,  no matter how wealthy you may be….it ain’t gonna be…the art of patience can just go so far. And unless you ARE all three…gorgeous, intelligent, wealthy…but you still smack your lips and jiggle your change but do NOT recognize it…you’re not on my A list.


  1. This is an awesome rant. I'm glad I stumbled upon you.

  2. You would make Dennis Miller proud!!!!
    Is this really about patience or did you have a really bad day???

  3. Love ALL your blogs. Keep them coming!

  4. Wow, that was awkward...glad you stumbled upon me...I checked out your blog...feel like i'm reading my own writing. love it.

  5. Artie...definitely about patience...and have lots more to add to the mix!

  6. Mom...thanks for being a MOM!

  7. Re: whistling. I used to have a boss who would wander around the office, hands in his pockets (probably jangling coins), and whistling like a bird. And you was just a TAD annoying.