I love testing my human on a daily basis. She seems to give in to every whim I have as long as I look cute with my puppy dog eyes. Once I lay my little head down on my paws and look up at her with my sad eyes, she melts. I get whatever I want. It’s the greatest con game, and 9 out of 10 times, it works. She also falls for the standing up on my hind legs and dancing around bit. That’s a huge hit.
But I digress…Let’s start at the beginning of the day.
My human gets up when it’s still dark. Not liking that too much! But what do I know…I can’t really tell time anyway…so if she’s up…I guess it’s time. I do like to lounge a little while she makes the bed around me, because as probably most dogs do, I sleep in bed with her and make sure I move around thru the entire night to let her know who’s king of the king size. Sometimes in the morning I like to go up to her pillow and flop myself down right on top of her head. It’s so funny that if I could laugh…I’d be chuckling up a storm. But instead, I just start licking her face until she wakes up. I love sticking my tongue up her nose holes.
While she goes downstairs to get coffee, I sneak in a little more nap time until she comes back upstairs with some yummy gooey stuff on her finger that I lick off til her hand is filled with my slop. I think I heard her call it something like veetamin or veggamin, or, oh wait…vitamin. That’s it. Whatever that is? I guess it’s good for me because I don’t think she’d give me anything that wasn’t. Then she goes into her office to sip her coffee and start tapping on that thing on the desk. She spends her whole day on that thing. Pictures change on it and it has pretty colors that I can’t see because I only see in black and white, but I can imagine it must be pretty or why would she be on it most of her life.
I like going in there and licking her feet. I think my human really likes that because she’s always yelling to me…”feet…come get mommy’s feet”. I guess my human’s name is mommy because the two other people that stay in this house call her that…but other people that come here to play with me call her Jaime. So I’m not really sure what my human calls herself. I do know that she calls me lots of different things…brutus, brutie, puppy…so I’m a little confused. I just don’t answer to ANYTHING. I ignore her and make her come to me. I like it like that. I have her trained so well! Even when we play fetch, I run and get the toy, but wait there til she comes to get it and throw it again. I like to make sure she gets her exercise.
After an hour of being awake I realize my bladder is about to burst…so I scratch everything possible to get her attention to take me outside. Sometimes I just like peeing in the house on the stair landing cause it’s fun. I like watching the puddle spread out to see how far it will spill. I don’t do it very often…but sometimes I also like pooping in the middle of the pee to see if it will make a bigger mess. I get bored, what can I say. And then I get to watch her grumble as she cleans it up. Breaks up the boredom.
Walking my human……..soooo much fun. I love stopping at every bush and tree and taking my time smelling it all. I squat at every lawn and pretend I’m peeing just to make the walk take longer because I love the smell of outdoors, and it’s my walk, so it’s my right. I like watching her get more and more impatient but I don’t really like the tugging on the thing wrapped around my body. Sometimes I just want to run but she holds me back from running out in front of the cars. I don’t get it…why can’t I play? But my favorite thing…when we get back from my walking her…I get a treat! The treats have gotten smaller lately though…and I think it’s because I’m fat. At least that’s what everyone has been whispering. I did notice the harness on the leash was a little tighter, but I just assumed my human made it smaller.
I then get another treat as an appetizer before my meals. Maybe that’s why I’m so fat. I have convinced her I need an hors d’oeurves before I start my meals. And she bought into it. I’m good. Really, really good!
I’m not sure how I feel about bath time. I love the massage she gives me, but the water in my eyes…that doesn’t work for me so I decide to shake violently to show her. I love getting her whole face soaking wet. It’s funny! And after the bath…I run through the house as fast as I can and get up on all the couches to dry myself off on them. I roll over and over and over to make sure each and every couch and chair is soaking wet! And then guess what? I get ANOTHER treat!
So that’s pretty much how my day goes. I have to say my human is so lovable. She hugs me and tickles my tummy and lets me sit on her desk while she works. She protects me when I’m scared…like when the smoke alarm goes off, or on July 4th. Those noises scare me to death and she holds me while I’m violently shaking. She knows how to calm me down.
I never leave her side. I follow her around wherever she goes and she lets me. Sometimes she will say “stay” and that is the only word I ever listen to. I figure I should give her just a little pleasure for all that she does for me. I love my human so much. She’s a dog’s best friend.