Monday, November 8, 2010

I'm just not that into you

Has the definition of “no, thank you” been revised by Webster and I’m just not aware of it? I’m finding that people are a little denser than I was giving them credit for. Well…I might just be referring to men only.  And maybe just not the phrase “no, thank you”, but the whole blow off thing in general.
Are men really that unaware of the excuses women tell them to get out of dates or commitments they made with them? I always thought that the number one excuse women gave was that their old boyfriend had resurfaced and they were going to give it another try. Men actually buy that shit? Really?  I guess I’m better at lying than I thought I was.
I always pride myself on being so honest, but the only time I can’t be is when I have to tell a man that I’m “just not that into him”.  It’s so hard for me to fess up to someone what’s wrong with him. How do you tactfully say you are just downright ugly? Your nose is too big, your eyes are too close together and have you ever heard of 1-800-dentist? There really is no nice way to say that. Or how do you tell him that you aren’t interested in someone who can’t see his feet that are at the bottom of his calves beneath his oversized, gigantic belly?  Or that you can’t communicate with someone who will only listen to the sound of his own voice…and anytime you try to chime in…he has no clue that someone else is actually speaking besides himself and thinks we don’t have any right to.
I’m trying to figure out how I tend to choose men that have some major thing NOT going for them. They are either cheap…like the one guy who whispered in my ear at dinner, “I’ll pick up the tab THIS time”…are you kidding me? Seriously? Or the guy that decided my ass was up for grabs an hour into our date, while we were shooting pool. I was leaning over the table and all of a sudden he gooses me! Really?  Did my butt just cry out “free for all” so come and get it? Then I was having a drink with Mr. Woody Allen personality who started yelling at me when I compared him to Annie Hall’s boyfriend. PSYCHO! And I couldn’t understand a thing he was talking about. I’m not sure if he was too intellectual for me or really was so dumb, I couldn’t follow his gibberish.
There have been those who are so boring…I actually would be snoozing with my eyes open. Did he not notice the glassy look in my eyes and my dream state? Or he thought I was so enamored with him that I was starry eyed? Again…seriously? How do you not know you are boring the shit out of someone?
One of my favorites…the one who readily admitted up front at dinner, that he had an STD. If you’re going to share something that intimate, couldn’t you have done it on the phone so I could have not wasted my time and gas money meeting you in person. And then telling me he likes the dark better and doesn’t really like going out in the daytime. His pasty skin when I first laid eyes on him should have been the tell-tail sign, but I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. The fangs…that was the dead giveaway.  And I’m serious…his eye teeth were definitely hanging lower than most. I quickly left that one before I was drained of my blood, which may have been a little too late after he divulged the STD info. Yeah…I wanted HIM badly!
So how DO you tell him that you are just not that into him without completely hurting his feelings? I did write a standard Dear John email to send (because I’m too chicken to do it in person), and I have used it with some success, saying I just didn’t feel the chemistry. And as I’ve said before, it’s all about the chemistry…
But I must say…I’m done with the test tube phase. Time to discover the almost-perfect mate.


  1. Here's what perplexes me. This chemistry thing is supposed to be a two-way street, right? So theoretically, if you aren't feeling it, they should have a clue, even if they might be feeling something. You'd think that little 3-watt bulb in their heads would flicker for a few seconds and they'd realize, "hey, I think this woman is cool, but I don't think the feeling is mutual for whatever reason."

    Never seems to work that way. I'd also like to believe that maybe they too aren't quite sure how to back out of something without hurting any feelings so they jabber incessantly or whatever. But then, that can't be totally true either, hence the ass-grabber.

    Maybe people blessed with chemistry perception are just a tiny minority. And I think it takes some people many years to hone that skill.

  2. Now Now Jaime....You wrote this blog from one point of view and of course that makes sense because it is your blog. As we all know the dating, just meeting someone whatever the situation maybe can be bad for the guy as well. I do have my share of stories but I will leave it at that (although knowone ever goosed me while playing pool.

    Here is the dileo..We all hate dating and it wasn't in our future, with that said unless you have mislead or used someone then NO reason needs to be explained for not continuing to move this non relationship further.If they are fat, ugly,good looking with no personality, brainless,boreing, think they are GOD's gift to this world. All you need to say is "THIS AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN"

  3. artie...of course i wrote it from my point of view...kinda the only point of view i have. but i also can't be that blunt as to say this aint gonna happen...(nor do i use the word ain't!)...a little softer approach is my way which may be why it's so difficult. but i have to say...i do read signals from people pretty easily...unlike many of you men! or at least the men i encounter! and again...from MY point of view. as you have your share of you can go thru the same thing from the male point of view...but i highly doubt it! :)

  4. Jaime,It's all good and quite frankly I didn't know if I woould respond but I guess I am.
    On a light note the use of the word (ain't was more for laughs then being grammical corect).

    I can't compare my stories with yours, my point was stories are shared on all levels (women/Men).
    I also want to point out that I am one of the warmest poeple u will ever know and would never treat anyone in a hurtful way, my point was there is a time to explain and a time to just say what is on your mind.

    Sorry if you took my responce the wrong way...OOO welll

  5. from a guys' point of view, i always appreciate when a woman is 100% up front and doesn't waste anyone's time. Everyone has different experiences and sometimes it's hard to read someone new...and us guys ARE kinda dumb.