Friday, February 25, 2011

Do You Know Me?

It's shockingly surprising to me that people don't mob me on the street wanting my autograph. I've been in some widely seen TV shows and news telecasts, and published in print, yet no one seems to recognize me. It's hard to fathom.  

Prior to my spectacular television career, I had a stint in print. I was featured in two local newspapers; one while I was in elementary school…doing charity work; and the other while I was in college, protesting for the local workers. One in New York, one in Ohio, marking my path to national success.

But my real rise to stardom started back when I was a contestant on the highly touted game show...the Liars Club. It had to be the worst game show to ever have aired on national television. There were 3 celebrities and 4 contestants. The celebrities were shown an object they had to tell a story about, and the contestants had to guess who was telling the truth. I was one of those contestants. There were 4 rounds, the last being the bonus round for the most points. I won the first 3 rounds, but because I lost the bonus round...I lost the whole game. And I'm pretty happy I did. The grand prize...a trip to Acapulco...AIRFARE NOT INCLUDED. Huh?? What? I'm sorry...what was that? Airfare NOT included? What kind of prize is THAT? So they pay for the hotel? And I pay for the airfare? Yeah...I don't think so.

Second place...again...they really went all out on the gifts. $25 worth of Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil, $25 worth of Eskimo Pies (ok...that was one gift I did absolutely enjoy), and $25 of the ugliest, gaudiest, worst fitting polyester apparel I had ever seen in my entire life. And just so you know how cheap the clothing was…there were approximately 15 items that totaled the $25! Even the Salvation Army said "no thanks" when I tried to donate them.

My next foray into the entertainment world was a bit on the local news in New York. WABC was thrilled to have me recite 'Twas the Night before Christmas' on a segment of the 6 o'clock news. They gave me one whole line to say..."that shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly." I was fabulous!  

My next big starring role was on the Richard Simmons Show back in the 70’s. I’ve already shared that with many of you so I won’t be redundant. However…that was probably my real breakout role.

I did try out for Wheel of Fortune and the Newlywed Game, but was turned down. I’m assuming it was because I was already well on my way to becoming a huge celebrity, and they didn’t want me to detract from the other ‘regular’ people who would be appearing on the shows with me. Oh well, their loss.

I’m sure by now you understand why I’m so puzzled that I’m not surrounded by paparazzi. I can leave my house and people don’t stop me to take pictures with them. I can shop, eat at restaurants, see a movie…and nothing. It’s mind boggling. I suppose I should appreciate my privacy…but sometimes I just miss the adoration.

Oh…the price of not being famous. I suppose I should take advantage of it while I can.


  1. I am seen prominently in the theater scene in Biloxi Blues right behind Sarah Jessica Parker's husband, and no one has EVER recognized me either!

  2. ive got a funny story, my ex wife was on the price is right. she was pregnant and figured she would never gotten picked in her condition to "come on down" but they did. she was the first one picked, she proceeded to get outbid on every attempt. then bob barker kept hinting to her what to bid in a direction and it was obvious they wanted her in the grand showcase for some reason. but she still couldnt get the right answers.
    it was eventually obvious why when the winner won a showcase full of baby furniture and stuff worth $15,000. the winner looked dumbfounded.

  3. @Dan...possibly not the brightest? is that why maybe she's your ex?

    @win...i take it we're talking matthew broderick? i'll have to check it were an extra?

  4. Laughed all the way through it. I can picture you reciting a poem on TV. I'll bet the actress that you are you gave it your all. Where's the Emmy? Proudly displayed in your living room? Excellent blog as usual.

  5. In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
    In the future, 15 people will be famous.
    In 15 minutes, everyone will be famous.

  6. Does this mean I will not see you at the Oscars on Sunday walking down the red carpet?

  7. of course i will be on the red carpet...i will be incognito tho so you most likely won't be able to pick me out.

  8. There is only 1 Jaime...I will find you..