Sunday, February 13, 2011

This little piggy

I don’t know about other parents who have late teen/early 20 something girls, but I have raised two of the biggest slobs I have ever known.  Please understand, their dad and I are kind of what you would call…clean freaks, so I’m not quite sure where they got their obsessive, compulsive piglet behavior from…but it's a total 180 of what we are.
They are extremely clean when it comes to their own personal grooming and hygiene, thank god, but I wouldn’t take one step into their bedrooms or bathroom.  Their bathroom counter is disguised as Cousin Itt. I have never seen so much hair covering an inanimate object as is, in and around, their sinks. And they could care less.  Yet…they won’t clean the hair out of their brushes because it grosses them out. HUH?  Please explain that one to me?

Sometimes I will walk into one of their rooms to open a window and it’s like walking over hot coals or broken glass, hoping I will make it to the window and back, without stepping on something that will slice open the bottom of my feet. And that’s another thing, they sleep with their windows closed and the door closed, with no ventilation in the room. Every so often, I’ll go in, in the middle of the night, and put my finger under their noses to be sure they are breathing since there’s no chance of oxygen intake. Why they haven’t suffocated yet is beyond me.

I believe they are delusional, thinking there is a “catch-all” in every spot of the house where all their crap is supposed to land, because that’s where I find all their things.  They walk in the front door, off come the shoes in the middle of the floor, and as they advance from point A to point B, off come more and more things landing and remaining wherever they’re dropped.  I’ll come home and every item they’ve had on their person is strewn everywhere.  After years of picking up after them, I decided that if it’s left anywhere but their rooms…it’s thrown into the garage. You want it…search for it. And since they seem to have never learned the art of the search and seek, their stuff pretty much sits in the garage for weeks. “Mom, have you seen my _____?”  “Nope…sure haven’t “ [‘you little slob’, she says silently to herself]
I must say, they do put dirty dishes in the dishwasher, most of the time. But if it doesn’t belong in the dishwasher, it stays in the sink until it grows mold. God forbid they actually wash a dish by hand. So I now bring any dirty dish, glass or pan up to their rooms and strategically place them around their beds. Kitchen accessories do wonders for the bedroom décor. And you know what? They do not seem to be bothered at all…which incenses me even more! I then put it on their bed so they have to notice it, and the next day, it’s back on the floor. Seriously? Walking around their rooms is reminiscent of tire drills at boot camp. You have to jump up and over things.

I decided that at this stage in the game, since they are near the point of moving into their own places, I will bite my tongue and know that there will be an end to the chaos. My greatest revenge will be visiting their homes, and letting them wait on me.  And NEVER cleaning up after myself. The problem is, once they move out and my house is picture perfect…I’ll miss those little pigpens more than I’ll want to admit.


  1. It's the age. Last month my son told me that my house is "freakishly" clean. It would have bothered me but for the fact that he, at the time, couldn't find his watch or his Zune. Three weeks later they turned up buried under piles of his clothes & stuff.

  2. I guess that's why I get hoarse today. I screamed "you're not leaving this house 'til your room is clean and bed made". It worked as my three daughters have the cleanest homes I have ever been in. Wonderful blog----love it. Keep on writing----you're great.

  3. I have no kids but an ex who had to find his clothes that I had kicked into the closet!

  4. I have never understood how people live this way but I know a lot of people who do. And by "live this way," I mean the stuff on the floor part.

    I detest cleaning bathrooms -- partly because as soon as it's clean and I take a shower and groom, there's water splashed on the mirror, etc. So what's the point of that??

    Hair on stuff TOTALLY disgusts me which makes me wonder why I have so much of it. I usually try to flick it on the floor so I can vacuum a few weeks down the road.

  5. @ konagod...ummm...i don't even know what to say to that ...ewwwww is the first thing that comes to mind!!
    @frank...they do not know how to look for things...moving things aside to look behind or under just makes no sense to them...i find things in 3 seconds where it would take them...forever.