Saturday, December 3, 2011

Stranger Things Have Happened

I will never understand how people can pass you on the street, look right at you, and act as if you're not even there. Not a smile or a nod or a hello. Seriously? Maybe I’m overly nice, (well, duh) but I would never pass someone without some form of acknowledgement. Even if it's one of my various phony smiles.

I mean, we’re both occupying the same space for that one second in time. We’ve made a connection. How can you not recognize that person you’re sharing it with in some form of communication? It's just not right. 
I live in a gated community...but we have no gates. (We would have gates if it was an actual gated community). It’s a small development, with a pool and recreation area located in the center of the complex. Everyone is out and about all the time, almost like a Stepford neighborhood.

They’re either gardening, pushing their kids in strollers, watching their older kids playing ball in the streets, or gossiping about God only knows what. If you’re outside at all, you know the people on your street. You see them all the time. You would think there would be a sense of camaraderie of sorts.

I walk my dog at least a couple of times a day and see my neighbors on a regular basis, but I can’t tell you how many people totally ignore me when I pass them. I just can’t figure out why anyone would choose to do that. There's one family where the entire family acts as if I'm invisible when I'm right in front of them, as they walk by with their dog. I smile, they don't. I say hi, they don't. Then when they get to the house next to mine, they have a full blown conversation with the dad, in his driveway. Are you f**king kidding me? I had originally thought that they treated everyone the same, until I witnessed them laughing and cajoling with the dad and his family. Pretty frickin' nervy, if you ask me. Well, you didn't ask me, but I'm telling you anyway.
The same thing happened with this guy who walks his dog by my house every day. I see him when I'm out with my dog or just when I'm outside my house doing whatever it is I'm doing. He either keeps his head down or looks straight ahead, knowing full well I'm there, but keeps walking. Sometimes he looks at me without even a curve of his lips in an upward movement, like he's looking right through me. It's mind blowing.

Then one day, I was standing there talking with one of my friendly neighbors and he starts having a conversation with her. And still doesn't acknowledge me, even after I said hello. Really? I'm starting to get a complex. I'm like the nicest, friendliest person I know. What is going on? Why don't these people see that?
There is a special connection with the people who live in the houses on either side of you. At least there should be. They are like family. They are like sisters because they’re so close to you; right next to you; side by side. They are your siblings and the houses surrounding them are like cousins. And the houses on the other streets are like cousins once removed. But we are all from the same family. The ‘Non-Gated Community’ family and family should acknowledge each other. Even if you don’t like each other, be cordial. You're distant cousins for God's sake. Aside from just being the respectful thing to do…you never know when you may need that person in an emergency. Why wouldn’t you want to be nice? It's hurtful.

Have you ever gotten into an elevator and you are all alone, but on the next stop someone comes in, looks directly at you, and doesn’t even nod? Seriously? Did they not see me? I mean I'm right here. I'm right smack in the middle of the elevator in their line of vision as they walk in, and they act like I'm Casper. Then we stand there with the musak playing, or whatever it's called now, all fidgety and uncomfortable, acting like there's no one else in our space. C'mon people...I'm right here. Give me something.

I especially don't understand it when you have something in common with others and they still don't acknowledge you. I've been in doctor's waiting rooms the size of my closet, practically on top of the other patient waiting, and not a word. I'm ready to go sit on their lap and ask them to tell me about themselves but I contain myself. That may not be legal. Or at the very least, moral. But we have something in common, besides waiting an inordinately ridiculous amount of time to see the doctor. We have ailments. Why not discuss them to pass the time. Although I have to tell you, I did sit next to a very nice man who proceeded to tell me how his medicines are giving him a ton of gas and causing him constipation, which is giving him hemorrhoids that are really itchy. I responded, "Thanks for sharing" and the entire doctor's office, which was filled with about 20 waiting patients, cracked up. I think they were aghast that this man was divulging this deeply intimate, personal info to me, a complete stranger, within 5 seconds of us communicating and they were relieved that I said something. It didn't make him stop though. He proceeded to tell me ALL his problems but luckily he was called into the examining room shortly after. That loosened up the tension in the waiting room and people began to chat, which was very nice. A little too much information from that guy maybe, but nonetheless, it was better than sitting in that uncomfortable silence.

The veterinarian's office is a place where you would think people would be the friendliest. We all have a love for pets. Although I'm beginning to think some of these people would prefer not to have their pets at all...or shouldn't have them. But it's a built-in conversation piece; a common bond. As soon as I walk into the vets office, if a dog comes up to me, I pet it and practically drool all over it cause I love dogs so much. But some of these people are so rude. They pull their dogs away, even though I've made it perfectly clear that it's fine if they come up to me, yet they give ME a dirty look. I'm sorry...was I humping your dog and didn't realize it? Don't give ME the look. I'm the one being friendly back. Why wouldn't you love another dog lover? Well, maybe 'love' is too strong, but at least be cordial. I just don't get it. While I'm waiting I will try to stir up conversation asking questions about their dog but get one word answers. So I don't continue because I don't want to be annoying, (although if you ask my kids, I'm like the most annoying person on the planet...and proud of it!)

Maybe I'm just a chatty, friendly, annoying person. Or maybe too many people aren't. People walk around like they have blinders on. I don't understand it. Don't get me wrong...there are a ton of wonderfully, nice, welcoming people in this world. Strangers who do acknowledge your existence, just in passing. Strangers who do have conversations with you even though they've never seen you before. Strangers who just want to say...let's be strangers together...just for this moment in time.
Aren't there?






18 comments:

  1. You hit it on the head! Either they're just plain snobbish or they're thinking of something else and not seeing you. But you and I are friendly people and will continue being that way. Loved the blog as usual. I had a good laugh about the old man and his gas. Very funny.
    Keep 'em coming. Love your blogs.

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  2. 1.I see a game board here. A new slant on Monopoly? Haven't figured it out but your community can be the board; pets can be a plus/minus score; friendly neighbors a plus/minus score;extra points for watching a neighbor's kids or dogs etc etc; think about it. IT TAKES A VILLAGE!
    2. You can't be in Manhattan and talk to everyone you pass but years ago 2 brothers (my uncles) passed each other on 5th Ave. and almost did not see each other. Both resided in other states. They did say hello. I think you pass people for a reason in certain neighborhoods.
    3. If you have just yelled at people in your neighborhood on a Friday night for blocking you from driving it's hard to greet them with a "Happy Shabbos" when you pass them on the way to shull (SP?) Saturday morning. Some of what you say depends on where you live
    4. I agree with you but the older I get the more I expect people to do the wrong thing; that way I am not disappointed and am happy when they do the right thing. The days of "borrowing milk from your next door neighbor" are 1 of many things we just miss from the past.
    Keep writing.

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  3. @ann...you might have a good idea going there (#1 on your comments) and true about walking around the city and saying hi...you'd have to freeze your face in a perennial smile...kinda like botox faces. i have to say tho...i still have that optimistic attitude that people WILL come around and do the right thing...and when they don't...just let it roll right off and say 'oh well'. thanks for reading...and commenting...love the feedback.

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  4. on the lighter side... ever been in a crowded elevator and someone farts? Like to know what proper etiquette is for that!

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  5. Bottom line It's you!!! Your probably just as annoying in person as you are on FB. Try showing a little cleavage!!!

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  6. That is how I lived in NY. For the past 22 years, I have lived in rural PA and everyone greets you when they meet you. I like the closeness of living here. It makes you feel welcomed. I have noticed that some are still quick to judge you and will be cautious when an outsider...a NYer comes to town. But on the whole, this Bloomsburg Pennsyltuckie is a great place to live.

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  7. Love this Jaime. When I worked with Dr. Patch Adams in Russia, the cardinal lesson was smile at everyone and talk with as many strangers as possible. The smile being the universal language. I carry this with me everywhere. I stand facing the back of elevators asking people how their day is. It can be very uncomfortable for others. Nevertheless there are these exquisite moments of connection when it all comes together and the human thread is once gain strengthened and woven even more tightly. It's especially fun on subways and busses in big cities. Touche to you for writing about the fear of connection that permeates our society.

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  8. @mike...it's true...small town kindness...there's nothing like it
    @trudy...it's amazing the good feeling we get when someone just gives us a smile...that's all it takes and it's so easy...why doesn't everyone see that?
    @anonymous (Guy)...at a loss for words
    @ann...thank g-d, NO

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  9. Ask them the time and then tell them you like their watch it sometimes makes them uncomfortable and other times not. Gert

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  10. @gert...that would work if they're wearing a watch, i guess :) but good idea! thank you so much for commenting on here...love the feedback.

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  11. Hi Jaime, great post. Just be happy you don't live in the Five Towns anymore. Most of the people are kind and friendly but there are a few.....I don't know who the f**k they think they are......they just can't smile when they pass by you.....maybe too much botox!

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  12. @elyse...isn't it wierd...i wonder if these people are just grouches in life anyway...i'd love to do an experiment and just go up to strangers and give them a big hug...and see what they do! that would be kind of fun...if i had the guts. something to think about! could make a good youtube video. i may have to do that.

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  13. Another Ms. J classic....Like you I am very friendly to the people I see and if they don't respond I usually say something like "nice talking to you"...Bottom line the world is just filled with people who have self esteem issues and lack proper social skills....you say hello to them and they get confused....

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  14. On another note "I would love to walk into an elevator and see you in there alone"

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  15. @RT...always such a sweet compliment. Thank you. you would just SMILE at me tho, right? maybe say a few words? that's it tho, right? i mean...i don't want to worry next time i run into you in the elevator all alone! haha...love ya!

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  16. Would never have to worry....would I?....LOL

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  17. People are always greeting me in broad daylight; smiling; holding doors. So annoying! How do I make them stop?

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  18. @frank...did you ever play the grinch? or scrooge...you'd be perfect!! ha ha...

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